I was thinking back to something that happened to me many years ago. It’s an incident that actually happened to me, and it also has a teaching story embedded in it.

I’d been invited to a literary gala in Toronto. We were all gathered in a hotel ballroom, and it was very formal, so everyone was in black tie. From the minute I arrived, I was having a lot of fun.

But as I was standing around, talking to people, I suddenly started to feel sick. I sat down at the nearest table. I started to feel increasingly nauseated and light-headed, so I thought, “Lucky for me, I’m actually staying in this hotel, so I’ll just go up to my room.” I got up, started to cross the main ballroom to reach the elevator, and I fainted.

Now I understand what happened to me. Under certain specific conditions, which I now know, I have a “vasovagal response.” My blood pressure suddenly drops, which leads to reduced blood flow to my brain, I start to feel increasingly sick, and if I don’t take steps to get blood into my brain, I faint.

Well, this event was the first time that I experienced the vasovagal response, so I didn’t know what was wrong or what to do. I felt worse and worse, in a way that I can now diagnose, but because I didn’t know then how to take steps to address it, I ended up fainting dead away, right in the middle of this black-tie party.

As soon as I hit the carpet, well-meaning people gathered around me and tried to help. They kept trying to help me sit up and to pull me up onto my feet.

They’d pull me up, but then I’d faint again. A friend was with me at the event, and from what she told me later, I guess it was pretty scary to watch.

The problem was that my body was trying to push me down, to help get the essential blood back into my brain. By pulling me up, people were interfering with that process. These kind people were trying to help me, but they were actually making my situation worse.

Now I would know to say, “Let me lie down, I’ll feel better soon.” Also, now I would know to elevate my legs, too.

I absolutely understand these people’s impulse; I’m sure I would have done exactly the same thing. But in fact, it would have been better for someone to kneel beside me and say, “What are you feeling, what do you need, what can I do?”

I think that this same pattern happens with people in emotional pain. We want to help them get them back on their feet, we keep trying to pull them up. But maybe what they really need is for someone to sit next to them, listen, and to say, “Take your time. I’m here for you. Let me know what you need.”