Try This at Home
Focus on the textures in your life.
In our discussion, we mention a few things:
- the book Life in Five Senses
- the “What’s Your Neglected Sense?” quiz
- my Happier with Gretchen Rubin airpod case
- Supergoop! Unseen Sunscreen
Happiness Hack
To raise your laptop during video calls, use yoga blocks.
The “Write” Way
Listeners share their ideas about how to make the most of the #Write24in24 challenge.
Listeners mention the Muse Machine and the One-Sentence Journal.
For April, I’ve teamed up with Paper Source to create daily letter-writing prompts for #Write24in24 and “National Card and Letter Writing Month.” Join the challenge to receive a prompt in your inbox every day for the month of April, as well as a 10% discount for papersource.com to stock up on stationery. Sign up at happiercast.com/papersource
Listener Question
A listener is moving in to help care for an elderly relative.
If she tells her new neighbors that she’s a small-animal vet, she knows she’s going to be inundated with questions and unexpected visits.
She doesn’t want to lie, and she doesn’t want to disclose her profession.
Demerits & Gold Stars
Elizabeth’s Demerit: She didn’t hand in her son Jack’s school health forms on time.
Gretchen’s Gold Star: I give a gold star to my friend Julia, “Dr. Stitchlove,” who restored my dog Barnaby’s beloved Abominable Snowman toy.
Resource
Many people have asked for the Life in Five Senses Discussion Guide for their book clubs. Also, if you’re hosting a book club for the book, enter your book club for a chance to win a virtual drop-in from me.
What We’re Reading
**This transcript is unedited**
[476]
[music]
Gretcen
Hello and welcome to a happier a podcast where we talk about ideas and strategies and research and suggestions about how to make our lives happier.
Gretchen
This week we’ll talk about why we might choose to focus on the textures in our life. And we will also share listeners suggestions for hashtag write 24 and 24. Or the right way. There is no wrong way, but there is a right way.
Gretchen
I’m Gretchen Rubin, a writer who studies happiness, Good habits, The Five Senses Human Nature. I am here in my little home office in New York City. And joining me today from Los Angeles is my sister, Elizabeth Craft. And Elizabeth. One thing I always love to do with you is to talk about the amazing texture of Winstead Ice.
Elizabeth
That’s me, Elizabeth Craft, a TV writer and producer living in L.A.. And yes, Gretch. We are going to be chomping on some of that ice soon because we are going to be in Kansas City together. I cannot.
Gretchen
Wait. They have the best ice in the world at Wednesday’s. But before we jump in, we have a few updates. One coming from a listener who was responding to episode 472 suggestions about having a tough conversation while walking.
Elizabeth
Yeah, this comes from Mindy. She says, I need to comment on how much I loved your idea to have hard talks when walking. Yes. My daughter has been going through a lot this past year and has not been successful in therapy groups or one on one. But when she is out on a walk with my mom or myself, she always starts talking.
Elizabeth
She even touches on harder things to talk about that she will not address at other times. It is such a great way to connect, reduce stress and get it all out. My 16 year old daughter also begins to talk more when we are driving home from her climbing practice when we are side by side. I find it so enjoyable that we can have this time together when it is most comfortable for my girls.
Gretchen
Great examples of how walking can really change the atmosphere of a conversation in a productive way.
Elizabeth
Yes.
Gretchen
And Elizabeth, I just have to ask, because we talked about no spend February and you said the one thing that surprised you was that by not spending, you thought you were sort of actually getting the pent up desire to actually buy, not just browse, which is something that you often do, which is you browse, but you thought, okay, this is counterintuitively making me want to buy more, but at that point you hadn’t actually bought more.
Gretchen
So I’m just curious, have you bought more?
Elizabeth
Well, Gretch, I haven’t gone and bought a lot of clothes, which is what I was really feeling like buying during that time. Okay. But I did go to a actual bookstore and I bought some books.
Gretchen
Okay.
Elizabeth
And a little bit of a book splurge. And I think that was part of my itch to shock and to buy.
Gretchen
Interesting.
Elizabeth
So I would say better than going out and buying a bunch of clothes. Definitely is to buy a few books.
Gretchen
So you think you did have that impulse, but it you channeled it in a different way. Yes. Interesting. Well, this week, the try this at home suggestion is to focus on the textures of our everyday lives.
Elizabeth
So let’s talk about this, because this was big in life in five senses.
Gretchen
In my book, Life in Five Senses, I wrote a lot about as you would think about all five senses. I did pick the five. Kindergarten senses, you might say there are like 33 or 35 senses that scientists now identify. But I talked about the big five. And one of the things that really surprised me as I was writing Life in Five Senses is actually how touch focused I am.
Gretchen
You would think, of course, if something really is important to you, it really matters to you. Of course you’d know it. But I had no idea until I really focused my attention on it, how much the texture of things mattered to me. I just literally did not know what seems to be a very basic fact about myself.
Gretchen
So I think it’s a great thing to spend a little time thinking about.
Elizabeth
Well, it is one of those aspects of life that can be easy to tune out. I mean, you can go through your whole day and not think about the texture of anything that you’re touching.
Gretchen
You know what I mean? And then I have my what’s your most neglected sense quiz? And one of the things that I talk about is with a neglected sense, we often focus more on the downsides of a sentence like what bothers us or annoys us or what we’re trying to avoid, rather than really thinking about what we enjoy.
Gretchen
So when we notice things that we enjoy, we can get more pleasures from ordinary life like you and me. Talking about Winston’s eyes, our mother was like, I never notice Winston’s eyes and we’re talking to us. This gives us such satisfaction every time we go. So when you notice it, you enjoy more. Also, when you notice the things that bother you, you can perhaps make your surroundings more pleasant.
Gretchen
You can’t do this with everything, but maybe you sort of think, you know, I really, you know, that handle is sticky. If I just took a minute and got a washcloth and watched it off, it wouldn’t be sticky anymore. So if we notice consciously notice the things that bother us, we can maybe fix them. And also, when we recognize that other people have different preferences from us, I think it can allow us to show more compassion to other people and also to ourselves.
Gretchen
So you can say like, well, other people do not think that this chair is uncomfortably scratchy, but to me it’s really uncomfortable and I don’t want to buy this chair. And so it’s not that one person’s right, one person’s wrong. It’s just that I really don’t like scratchy things. And to me, the texture of this chair feels scratchy, so I don’t think we should pick a different chair.
Elizabeth
Well, that, Gretchen, I know, is what made you come up with your thing of closing your eyes in a dressing room to make sure that you like the way something feels?
Gretchen
Yeah. Because sometimes sight often trumps the other senses. This is why tomatoes are bred for the way they look, not for the way they taste or flowers or bread for the way they look. And not so much for the way they smell. Because in the end, for most of us, sight will trump. And so, yeah, I will close my eyes to make sure that I had this scratchy pair of pants that I loved.
Gretchen
They were this beautiful color. I loved the way they looked, and I got them home from the store and they were so incredibly scratchy. They left marks on my skin. I’m like, Were these supposed to be lined? And I got like a bad one out of the factory or something. It was this inexplicable to me, but so yeah, now I shut my eyes so that I get I can tune in to the way that something feels great.
Elizabeth
I remember in the Happiness Project you talked about how you can add more of feeling good or work on less feeling bad. And that definitely applies here, right?
Gretchen
Yeah. No, it’s very literal here, right? Because you want to think about feeling good, feeling bad, feeling right in an atmosphere of growth. That’s sort of how to think about a happy life. And so here it’s like literally, is this thing pleasant or is this thing unpleasant? Can you have more of it or less of it? Well, and I mentioned the neglected scents quiz, which if people want to take it it’s at Gretchen Rubin dot com slash quiz or happier cars.com slash quiz and it tells you your most neglected and most appreciated and touched is right in the middle of both its kind of scores in the middle middle is it let’s talk about touch
Gretchen
what are some textures that you particularly enjoy or don’t enjoy?
Elizabeth
Well I love fake fur. Throw, blanket, scratch. yeah. Just give me a faux fur. Really? A faux fur, anything? Yes. I just love running my hand over it. I could do that all day and I’ll get a faux fur blanket and put it over me and just rub my hand on it.
Gretchen
I did not know that about you, but I will say this. I remember from like nine or ten years ago I was in Bloomingdales buying a wedding present or something and there was a faux chinchilla throw that was so soft. I was just running my hands over and over it. And it’s one of the few things in my life that I thought, I really wish I had made that impulse purchase because I’m still thinking about it.
Gretchen
If I could go in and get it, I would send it to you right this second because it would just blow your mind. It was the most delightful texture. What else?
Elizabeth
Well, if you see it again, pounce.
Gretchen
I feel it. Yes.
Elizabeth
I love the texture of my dog, Daisy. So we have two Corgis, Nacho and Daisy. But Daisy’s fur is just much softer than nachos. And I love feeling her fur. I think that’s probably one of the reasons I love having dogs so much, is because I love just feeling her fur. It’s. It’s very comforting and soft and wonderful.
Gretchen
Yeah. No, it’s so true.
Elizabeth
What do you like?
Gretchen
Well, one thing I’ve talked about, I’m not even sure if I like it, but I’m very intrigued by it. It’s the sunscreen that I use for my face. It’s from Supergoop. It’s called unseen sunscreen. And I got it because sometimes sunscreen gives a cast to your face. And I realized I thought it was showing up. If I was like taking pictures of myself for videos.
Gretchen
And so I thought, okay, I’ll get this, because the theory is it’s unseen, but it has a very unusual slippery texture. I bet some people love it and some people really do not love it. I bet it’s polarizing, but it’s intriguing. I’m always very intrigued. And then also listen, so we have our Airpod case where like somebody can get an Airpod case that has the happier logo on it.
Gretchen
So of course I have one. And I gave you one for Christmas. Yes. And you know, I like that texture. It’s sort of that rubbery. It’s hard, but it has a little bit of give. There’s something about that texture that I often find myself just pulling it out of my pocket and rubbing the case between my fingers. I like that texture.
Elizabeth
Yeah, I like that texture too. Right. We both like silky textures.
Gretchen
Well, and this is what’s funny is I have discovered that this is controversial. I mean, you as long as I can remember you being a child and talking about how much you like silky textures.
Elizabeth
Yes, I used to think that if I could just have silk sheets, you know, that would be the ultimate luxury in life. I think I might have even mentioned that on the podcast. You gave me a silk pillow case for Christmas one year because you knew of my desire for silk bed linens.
Gretchen
Yeah, but it’s funny because a lot of people really don’t like that. I was surprised because I thought it was like silk and velvet. Everybody loves them, but I don’t know about velvet. If velvet is so controversial, let mean let us know. Listeners, if you have strong feelings about velvet, that many people are really turned off by anything silky or slippery, which is very surprising.
Gretchen
But is it? It’s funny. It’s like now in a year and I think there was sort of that silk edging to your beloved childhood blankie. And so you also liked it.
Elizabeth
Yes.
Gretchen
Yeah. The textures of childhood.
Elizabeth
Yeah. And Gretchen speaking of that, I was thinking about how textures, just like taste and smell can take you back. Yes. To a memory. Yes. Like I can be right back in our grandparents guestroom. Yeah. If I think about the texture of the wall, they had a rough, rough wall. Sandy and Sandy? Yes. And I can be right back in there in a moment if I just think about that texture.
Gretchen
Absolutely. I remember running my knuckles across it when I was lying in bed. Absolutely. And that’s one of the superpowers of the senses. And I loved writing about this in Life in five Senses is how much all of them can carry us back like we think of about the fact that, like music takes us back or a third can take us back.
Gretchen
But even something like a texture or remember how there was that lava soap. Our grandfather was an engineer for the Union Pacific Railroad, and so he had that textured soap, it had sand in it. He had like very grimy hands. And I, I will always associate that with him. and eliciting unspeakable passion. One thing that you and I both have and this is strange, we didn’t talk about this ahead of time.
Gretchen
We just sort of both had the same impulses. We both have old fashion and what would you call them, like physical phones as sort of decorative objects in our homes?
Elizabeth
Yes, I have a rotary phone, a yellow rotary phone that I took from grandma grandpa’s house, actually. And yeah, I love the feel of the receiver. I love touching it and just picking it up and touching the cord.
Gretchen
And I have an old fashioned one that we sort of inherited in an odd way, and there’s just something about the heaviness of it and just the weight in your hand. They’re just interesting. And I think it’s because of their textures and their weights and just the feel of it is something that that’s very different. And so anyway, I think just tuning into texture, we can more of feeling good, we can have less of feeling bad, it can bring us back to memories.
Gretchen
It can just help us to tune into our environment. You know, I think a lot of people will be want to appreciate the moment. They want to feel more present. And I think, you know, a lot of times it’s like, okay, what am I smelling? What am I hearing? And just thinking, well, what are the textures of the things around me?
Gretchen
It’s surprising. I was just astonished to realize how sensitive to touch and texture I am. I had no idea until I wrote that book. Well, let us know if you tried this at home and how focusing on textures works for you. What do you like? What do you don’t like? How do you feel about silk? How do you feel about velvet?
Gretchen
What textures remind you of your childhood? Let us know All things touch on Instagram threads. Tick tock Facebook. You can email us at podcaster Gretchen Rubin dot com or as always, you can go to the show notes. This is have your cast dot com slash 476 for everything related to this.
Elizabeth
Episode coming up we have a work from home happiness hack but first this break.
[music]
Elizabeth
Okay, Gretch, we’re back with this week’s Happiness Hack.
Elizabeth
You could use this for anything, but for me it seems great for a Zoom meeting.
Gretchen
Yes. Okay, so you know how a lot of times if you’re doing a Zoom thing on your laptop, it’s hard to get it high enough so that the camera is at eye level, which is what everybody says. If you want it to be flattering, if you want people to feel like you’re really connecting with them, you want to have your camera high enough.
Gretchen
But for most people, if they put it on the surface of their desk or the table or whatever, it’s low. And it’s not a good look for any of us. And we’ve all been on the other side of that, you know? Yeah, but it’s a pain to run around your house or wherever you are, and because it actually takes quite a bit to get it high enough.
Gretchen
But one thing you can do is yoga blocks. A yoga block is something that a lot of people have lying around. They are very light, so they’re easy to run and get because I was getting like giant stacks of like dictionaries and things like that, which are very heavy and cumbersome. Yoga. BLOCK You can get one, you can get to use one, and then you can adjust it with a couple of books.
Gretchen
It’s just it’s very easy. It’s a great way to repurpose something. If you’ve got it, maybe you’re not doing that much yoga. And so now it’s now it’s like has a totally different way to use it and it really improves appearance, I think.
Elizabeth
Yes. And I love that. Again, you could use to next to each other in their uniform inside. Yes. Because I always have these teetering stacks of books. And then I you know, it’s a whole to do every time.
Gretchen
It’s a whole thing. So we’re all looking for these easy ways to make remote work easier. And I think that’s a very easy way.
Elizabeth
Yeah.
Gretchen
And thinking of ingenious solutions to everyday challenges. Elizabeth, We have a lot of ideas from listeners about the right way. These are listeners who have come up with interesting ways to join the hashtag, write 24 and 24 challenge.
Elizabeth
Yes, and we should remind listeners it is never too late to join. You can join the challenge today doesn’t have to have been January 1st. And even if you’re not part of the challenge, these are just good ideas. And yeah, this comes from Meghan. She says For my right 24 and 24 challenge, I’ve decided to write at least two daily complimentary or encouraging comments or reviews for things I have consumed.
Elizabeth
It can be commenting on a recipe I saw on Instagram writing a book review on good reads, connecting with those doing the Yoga with Adrian Journey on YouTube. One of my 24 over 24 that I just completed or thinking a podcast or etc. There is so much negativity online and I hope to spread positive energy. Coincidentally, my word for the year is energy.
Gretchen
Well, this is wonderful and we talk about this all the time. It really does matter. These things really do matter. So it’s a it’s a really wonderful, cool thing to do. It makes you feel good, make somebody else feel good. It’s positive energy. Great idea. Yes. Christine wrote, I’ve been working on an essay for a while and recently started setting a timer for 24 minutes.
Gretchen
While some days it’s all I can do to write for that amount of time. Most often I’ve been finding myself in the creative flow and writing well past the allotted time. For example, today I wrote for 40 minutes. I’m so pleased each time my timer goes off that I reset it. So that’s thing. You often say this, Elizabeth.
Gretchen
If you do a little bit, you often can do more, but you have to start out by doing that little bit. Yes.
Elizabeth
Starting is the hardest. Yeah. Meg said I purchased a muse machine as a Christmas present for myself this past year, but wasn’t sure how I was going to incorporate it into my life. I just loved the idea of it. After hearing how you were going to use the Muse machine each week for guidance, I thought I would try to use it myself for inspiration or prompts for my write 24 and 24.
Elizabeth
My goal is to write 2 to 4 minutes a day in a one sentence journal. Today, needing inspiration, I pulled the card big ending, and all of a sudden I had it. We have had a big ending to the month of January. Just yesterday, my 17 year old son made it through military entrance processing and took the oath to enter the Marine Corps.
Elizabeth
I had the inspiration for my one sentence journal entry. This also ties into my one word theme this year, which is transformation not only for myself, but also our family and our son. A senior in high school, about to set off on his own journey.
Gretchen
Well, this is so fun and so happy to hear that the news machine is that’s exactly how it’s supposed to work. So you have to be here that I’ll post the link in the show notes. If anybody wants to check out the news machine. That is so fun. And congratulations to your son. Yes. Taylor writes, As a 22 year old who will graduate from college soon, I’m really overwhelmed with decisions.
Gretchen
What city do I want to live in, what kind of jobs that I try to get? Should I apply to business school? Every decision seems dependent on every other decision, and my thoughts just circled in, circled. Now that I’m writing down my thoughts in no particular order for 24 minutes a day, I feel like I’m starting to get a little clarity.
Gretchen
Well, that’s something a lot of people say is that writing helps people sort through their thoughts.
Elizabeth
So it’s great that that’s useful, Lauren says. I wanted to share how I embrace the right 24 and 24 challenge. I have been keeping a one line a day, a five year journal for 14 years and have found it is the best way for me to remember my daily life. I truly enjoy reading back entries. I can remember the places, the experiences, the emotions as if it were yesterday.
Elizabeth
It happens to also be very useful when I need to remember the name of a place or when an event happened. For example, on my U.S. citizenship application, I had to list every time I left the country in the past five years with dates and locations. Let me tell you, I was grateful for my little journals. Then at the end of December, I bought a new journal and this one we use as a family diary to chronicle our year.
Elizabeth
Every night we go around the dinner table and write down the highlight of our day. It has been such a fun way to connect and it will be a keepsake I’ll treasure forever. Highlights range from the silliest when mom face planted on the half pipe to the more profound celebrating a year out of chemo. As a bonus, it works great with all four tendencies.
Gretchen
Wonderful. That’s so fun. If you want a link to the one sentence journal, I’ll post the link to that. I love using all these journals. What about you, Elizabeth? How are you approaching your time these days?
Elizabeth
I think I’ve mentioned that I’m doing a one sentence journal every night for write 24 and 24 and what I’m doing is setting a timer every night at 9:15 p.m. and that helps me get it done. Otherwise, I’ll just forget about it. But the timer is super help.
Gretchen
Yeah, it’s interesting how easy it is to forget to do something. Even if you’ve done it every day for months, it just can flip your mind.
Elizabeth
Absolutely.
Gretchen
I find that I do it mid-morning, but I do it for what happened the day before, which I was like, Is that technically okay? And then I’m like, Hey, Upholder, that’s fine. You can make a rule the way you want. So for me, it’s about reflecting on the previous day. So I do it between like ten and 11.
Gretchen
I usually will find time because I’m doing the Five Senses journal and the one sentence journal. Yeah, but I can do that in four. And then also, you know, what I’m doing for April is I am writing cards and letters, you know, I’m doing that. I teamed up with paper source for daily letter writing prompts, which is a thing you could do for the right 24 and 24 hour challenge.
Gretchen
And it’s because April is national card and letter writing month. So I’ve been having so much fun with that.
Elizabeth
So what have you done, Greg?
Gretchen
I have mailed three cards and letters to friends and family and it is so fun. I love getting to use stationery and it’s fun to just plan a little idea, a little treat to send to somebody else with you. And I always talk about wanting to get something in the mail, meaning you just want some, like unexpected, a little booster.
Gretchen
So if people are interested in joining in, you can get a prompt every day in your inbox for April and you get 10% discount for paper source dot com. If you want to stock up on stationery, if you want to check out all the information, go to happier cars.com slash.
Elizabeth
Paper source and grudge. Finally, Chris says I am over-the-moon excited about the right 24 and 24 hour challenge. I’ve done a pretty good job of getting into this new habit that I am struggling with the stumbling block. I require feedback on my writing in order to get motivate it. As a journalism major in college, I won many competitions for my writing.
Elizabeth
I plan on having a career in this field, but dropped out of school to bury the love of my life. I’ve come to realize that just about all the writing projects I’ve done in my life have been created for other people to see, judge, or enjoy. I am determined to finally use my writing talents to their fullest. I’m writing a lot, but each time I finish a project, I feel like I’ve cooked a beautiful meal with no one to serve it to.
Elizabeth
I’m leaning towards starting a blog. What do you think?
Gretchen
Absolutely. I think it’s great. Start a blog. Start a newsletter. I started a blog at a blog that I wrote in like six days a week. For years and years, years. I still write for my blog. I love it. I think that’s a great idea.
Elizabeth
Yes, I absolutely do it.
Gretchen
Well, and it’s interesting because Chris doesn’t seem to need accountability. I think some people do a blog because it makes them feel accountable. Even if there’s no audience. There’s sort of the idea or the promise of an audience. And this isn’t about accountability. This is more about just wanting to create for the pleasure of showing what you’ve created, of sharing and having people engage with it.
Gretchen
That’s a great reason to do it as well. Absolutely.
Elizabeth
Yes.
Gretchen
Okay. Now we have a listener question. And Elizabeth, we’re stuck by this question. This is a really hard question.
Elizabeth
Yes, it is. So we’re going to put it out there. Yes. This comes from Julie. She says, Having worked as a small animal veterinary surgeon for some 12 years, I’ve had numerous too many to be comfortable experiences being stopped in shops and bars to be quizzed over someone’s beloved pet had social occasions interrupted by clients wanting to discuss the terms of their pets illness been informed by telephone and visited at home in the middle of the night by pet parents asking advice had endured pets carried to my front door by distressed carers, only delaying their important visit to the vet clinic, etc..
Elizabeth
Well, I’ve taken these incidents as part of my vocation. My situation is now more fraught. I am moving in to care for an elderly relative while understanding of the work I love. She is very much disturbed and frightened by uninvited callers and visitors, particularly as my work. Sometimes means I am out during the night when these calls can occur.
Elizabeth
Also, my family caring role will mean my focus outside of the clinic will have a human priority. So much so I do not want my new neighbors knowing what I do well, I cannot lie. It is inevitable that all the conversations come around to the question, So what do you do for work? This leaves me browbeaten as to what to say.
Elizabeth
As I know from previous experiences that any reference to my job with animals will result in my work being the only topic of conversation for the rest of my association. And I cannot control the influx of strangers that arise on account of my job title. I’ve been trying to deflect the question, give a vague answer about health care or change the subject, etc. but all of these responses lead to more questions or distress and an immediate barrier to making new friends.
Elizabeth
In short, I cannot find a satisfying way forward. I don’t believe I will be the only person to feel this discomfort and this kind of scenario. So what can I say when I’m asked the question, What do you do for work? This is a tough one.
Gretchen
This is a tough one. The first thing I think it’s really good to think about, well, how am I going to handle this, to think about it in advance instead of just sort of always trying to come up with something on the fly? We talked about this in episode 246, which is if you’re in a tough situation, have your words ready.
Gretchen
And that can make it less stressful because you sort of have your two or three sentences that are framing the situation the way you want and, you know, maybe characterize it the way you want to characterize it. So then it’s less exhausting. But then that just leads to the question. I’m like, okay, yes, it is needed to have sort of these talking points, but what should those words be?
Gretchen
I mean, and it’s clear this isn’t a theoretical thing. This is something that has come up many, many, many times. So this is this is not what if this is it’s going to happen.
Elizabeth
Yes. And if one person knows everybody knows information will spread like wildfire. You really have to have a uniform answer what you’re going to tell everybody.
Gretchen
Well, and the thing is, she doesn’t want to lie and she doesn’t want to tell the truth.
Elizabeth
Yes, it’s very understandable. But and I was thinking, part of this is probably because, you know, doctors have this issue is, well, human doctor, but there are more doctors than there are vets, in my experience. So there’s more people to absorb the questions. Yes. But if you know a vet. Absolutely. I can see how tempting it would be.
Elizabeth
Yeah. To pepper them with questions.
Gretchen
But I think it’s a good point and something maybe that all of us should be aware of is that there are people in certain professions where others turn to them for advice in a way that can become like very intrusive and burdensome. For example, even someone like an I.T. person where you’re like, Hey, can you come over and check out my wife?
Gretchen
Yeah. Or can I just have you talk me through a certain problem or, like you say, doctors or maybe even someone like teachers re like, okay, I’m having trouble with my child. And I think as she said, with some vocations, you understand that that is that’s part of the calling of it because you do have more information. You have this knowledge that is really, really precious to other people.
Gretchen
And then, you know, but but then we’ve all been on the other side, too, where you’re thinking, well, this person just has this huge trove of information. It will be no trouble for them if I just ask a few questions like why should I be worried about this? My dog smells like Fritos. Is that bad? You know?
Gretchen
And you think, this is just one little question. But here it sounds like people are showing up. And then she’s got this elderly relative who she has to be thinking about, too.
Elizabeth
Yes. So I don’t know if there’s some kind of truthful but, you know, boring thing you could say like, I work in a lab, which is sort of true, but I don’t know. It’s hard. I think we should ask listeners. Yeah. If anybody else has dealt with this and what they’ve done.
Gretchen
Yeah, because one of the things is that she knows so much more about animals than other people do. You know what I mean? It’s just one of these things where the minute people know, you know, about animals, it’s like whatever you do with animals, you’re probably an expert compared to other people right now. You wonder, now could she help the elderly relative get more comfortable with the situation?
Gretchen
But it sounds like maybe that’s not really possible or she doesn’t want to ask that of her relatives.
Elizabeth
Yeah. And maybe she’s also just tired of of living this way while.
Gretchen
She says now she has a human priority.
Elizabeth
Out of.
Gretchen
It, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, listeners, this is a tough one. Have you managed this yourself? Do you have ideas? It’s a hard question.
Elizabeth
Coming up, I give myself what I am pretty sure is a repeat demerit. But first this break.
[music]
Elizabeth
Okay, Gretch it’s time for demerits and gold stars and a reminder for everybody. We always give ourselves the demerit. That’s how we do it, because that’s how we make ourselves happier is by giving ourselves a demerit and then learning from the demerit.
Gretchen
And then we take turns giving ourselves demerits and giving ourselves or others gold stars and losers. This is an even numbered episode. That means it’s your turn to talk about a demerit, a repeat demerit.
Elizabeth
Apparently, yes. Scratch. So Jack had a class trip, and I did not complete his health forms on time, and I am pretty sure I did the same thing last year when he had a class.
Gretchen
We’ve all done it.
Elizabeth
And you have to complete the health form. He takes medication, so I have to take the medication to school. And it’s just rude because, you know, the school has their day by which they want the forms done and everything handled, and I’m going to have to do it. I cannot get out of this task. It won’t go away.
Elizabeth
It takes the exact same amount of time whenever I do it. And yet there’s something that makes me not do it on time that I have to call and say, sorry, I haven’t done it, I’ll do it tomorrow. And of course they’re nice about it, but it’s very annoying for them and for me. Yeah. So I am just announcing this so that hopefully for the next class trip grudge, I will get those forms done in a timely manner.
Gretchen
Okay. Well, if you mentioned to me in advance that Jack has a trip coming up, I’m going to turn on my happiness bully side. And because you’re right, it’s the same amount of work. It’s even more.
Elizabeth
Work. Well, that’s the thing. Yes. Easier if you do it immediately.
Gretchen
It’s like buying plane tickets. It only gets.
Elizabeth
Harder. Yes. Yeah. Yes. And more expensive. Yes. Luckily didn’t get more expensive. Got Tamara for me. All right, Gretch, what is your gold star?
Gretchen
I want to give a gold star to my friend Julia. My friend Julia is super artistic and handy. She can make things and do all kinds of things. And my dog Barnaby had a special toy. And like our dog growing up, Elizabeth, Patti, like, did not have a special toy. But Barnaby has this special toy. We call it the Abominable Snowman because it looks sort of like a snowman.
Gretchen
And I mean he’ll if like you’ve been away, he’ll go get it and bring it to you. Like, Hey, do you, do you know I have this really great toy or like, he’ll go get it and then just have it next to when he’s sitting down and he’ll just carry it around and play with it in his own way.
Gretchen
But he ripped it apart and it was really starting to fall apart. We tried to see if we could go online and buy, duplicate and try to trick him into thinking that they were the same one. Elizabeth, our grandmother, tried to pull this on you with your special blankie when you were a child. You were way too sophisticated to be fooled by the false blankie, but we thought maybe we could pull a fast one on Barnaby, but it’s just gone.
Gretchen
There are literally none to be found anywhere. This is a one of a kind thing. So, my friend Julia, who nicknames herself, Dr. Stitch Love, said, Hey, I’ll fix it, bring all the parts and the bits to me. And so like I went around the house and it was like an arm here and some loose stuffing in this corner, and she put it together.
Gretchen
She even added this special sort of plaid tummy to reinforce it. And Barnaby.
Elizabeth
Is.
Gretchen
Just as happy with it. We didn’t want to become part of it. It’s just the familiarity and the smell and the texture. But we’re all so our whole family is so relieved because we were really worried. Like, what’s going to happen when this thing just literally disintegrates? Yeah, and you can’t explain to a dog. And anyway, so every once in a while I sent her a photo of Barnaby, like cuddled up next to the Abominable Snowman because he cannot tell her how happy he is.
Gretchen
But we’re all very, very happy because he’s so happy.
Elizabeth
That’s great. Gold Star.
Gretchen
Gold Star. So the resource for this week, we so often talk about books and book clubs and many people have asked for the book club discussion guide for the book Life in Five Senses. My book that is coming out in paperback April 30th. If you want to use it for your book club, you can find it at Gretchen Rubicon slash Resources.
Gretchen
Plus, I am doing this thing that I have not done before. This is going to be really fun. If you are hosting a book club for Life in Five Senses, you can enter your book club for a chance for me to come by and do a virtual drop in. I haven’t done this before, but I think it’ll be super fun.
Gretchen
I love book club so much. I would love to come talk to a book club full of people. I don’t know. That would be really fun. All the details. Are it happier? Cars.com slash book Club. One word I’m. And speaking of reading, Elizabeth, what are you reading? I am.
Elizabeth
Reading. Please See US by Caitlin Mullen.
Gretchen
And I am reading Loved and Missed by Susie Boyd. And that’s it for this episode of Happier. Remember to try this at home. Focus on the textures around you. Let us know if you tried it and how it worked for you.
Elizabeth
Thanks to our executive producer Chuck Reed and everyone at Odyssey, get in touch. Gretchen’s on Instagram threads, Facebook and Tik-tok at Gretchen Rubin and I’m on Instagram and Threads at Liz Craft.
Gretchen
And if you like this show and you’re doing right 24 and 24, or maybe you’re not even doing right 24 and 24, use 2 to 4 minutes to write, review, subscribe and share our podcast. All these things really help new people to discover our.
Elizabeth
Show and so next week, I’m Elizabeth Craft.
Gretchen
And I’m Gretchen Rubin. Thanks for joining us. Onward and upward, Olivia. That’s so fun to see. Wearing the choose the bigger live t shirt. That’s so.
Elizabeth
Great. Yes. Yes. One of my few long sleeve t shirts. Perfect for a chilly morning.
Gretchen
You love a theme t shirt or mug?
Elizabeth
I do. I do. Okay.
Gretchen
from the Onward Project.