How to Write Your Own Personal Commandments | Gretchen Rubin [Skip to content](#content) [ ![](https://staging.gretchenrubin.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/gretchenrubin-logo-768x344.png) ](https://staging.gretchenrubin.com) - February 17, 2012 - [Spirituality](https://staging.gretchenrubin.com/tag/spirituality/) # How to Write Your Own Personal Commandments ![Person writing a list](https://staging.gretchenrubin.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/happiness-manifesto-e1541017781373.jpg) One of the most challenging—and most helpful and fun—tasks that I’ve done as part of my Happiness Project is to write my **Twelve Personal Commandments**. These aren’t specific resolutions, like [make my bed](http://www.staging.gretchenrubin.com/happiness_project/2009/08/make-your-bed/), but the overarching principles by which I try to live my life. It took me several months to come up with this list, and it has been very useful for me to have them identified clearly in my mind. It’s a creative way of distilling core values. To get you started as you think about your *own* commandments, here are my Twelve Commandments: > 1\. [Be Gretchen](http://www.staging.gretchenrubin.com/happiness_project/2008/10/paradoxes-of-ha/). > 2\. [Let it go](http://www.staging.gretchenrubin.com/happiness_project/2007/03/i_resolve_to_ke/). > 3\. [Act the way I want to feel](http://www.staging.gretchenrubin.com/happiness_project/2009/11/act-the-way-you-want-to-feel/). > 4\. [Do it now](http://www.staging.gretchenrubin.com/happiness_project/2010/09/7-tips-for-avoiding-procrastination-without-delay-is-the-easiest-way/). > 5\. [Be polite and be fair](http://www.staging.gretchenrubin.com/happiness_project/2010/09/be-nice-it-matters/). > 6\. [Enjoy the process](http://www.staging.gretchenrubin.com/happiness_project/2009/04/how-to-be-happy-enjoy-the-process/). > 7\. [Spend out](http://www.staging.gretchenrubin.com/happiness_project/2006/07/do_you_hoard_yo/). (This is probably the most enigmatic of my commandments.) > 8\. [Identify the problem](http://www.staging.gretchenrubin.com/happiness_project/2010/08/identify-the-problem/). > 9\. [Lighten up](http://www.staging.gretchenrubin.com/happiness_project/2012/02/quiz-how-fun-is-your-workplace-your-home/). > 10\. [Do what ought to be done](http://www.staging.gretchenrubin.com/happiness_project/2006/11/do_you_ever_fin/). > 11\. [No calculation](http://www.staging.gretchenrubin.com/happiness_project/2011/09/5-mistakes-i-continue-to-make-in-my-marriage/). > 12\. [There is only love](http://www.staging.gretchenrubin.com/happiness_project/2007/06/a-secret-to-hap/). So how do you come up with your own list? **Consider phrases that have stuck with you**. When I look at my Twelve Commandments, I realize that five of them are actually quotations from other people. My father repeatedly reminds me to “Enjoy the process.” A respected boss told me to “Be polite and be fair.” A good friend told me that she’d decided that “There is only love” in her heart for a difficult person. “No calculation” is a paraphrase of my [spiritual master](http://www.staging.gretchenrubin.com/happiness_project/2010/05/imitate-a-spiritual-master/) St. Therese (“When one loves, one does not calculate”), and “Act the way I want to feel” is a paraphrase of William James. **Aim high and fight the urge to be too comprehensive.** I’ve found that my commandments help me most when I review them at least daily, to keep them fresh in my mind, and to do this, it helps to keep the list short and snappy. I suspect that Twelve Commandments is too much. Maybe I only need two, “Be Gretchen” and “There is only love.” **Think about what’s true for *you*.** Each person’s list will differ. One person’s commandment is to “Say yes,” another person’s commandment is to “Say no.” You need to think about *yourself*, your values, your strengths and weaknesses, your interests. I’ve written about commandments in the past, and it’s fascinating to read other people’s commandments. For instance: Do stuff. Talk to strangers. Stay in touch. Make haste to be kind. Dig deep. Less is more. Smaller. **Have you identified some of your own personal commandments? What are they?** #### YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE ![a yellow notepad on a keyboard](https://staging.gretchenrubin.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/08/gpplhq-fyva-768x512.jpg) [What is Obliger-rebellion? 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