Do You Love Paradoxes? Embrace Happiness Paradoxes. | Gretchen Rubin [Skip to content](#content) [ ![](https://staging.gretchenrubin.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/gretchenrubin-logo-768x344.png) ](https://staging.gretchenrubin.com) - May 25, 2012 - [Happiness](https://staging.gretchenrubin.com/tag/happiness/) # Do You Love Paradoxes? Embrace Happiness Paradoxes. ![The Happiness Project Blog Logo](https://staging.gretchenrubin.com/wp-content/uploads/2006/03/GR_THP_Blog_2006-2014_header_image.png) I’ve always loved paradoxes and koans, and was very struck by an observation by physicist Niels Bohr: “There are trivial truths and great truths. The opposite of a trivial truth is plainly false. The opposite of a great truth is also true.” This is very true in the area of happiness, and in particular, I’ve noticed it with my resolutions. In many cases, my most important resolutions come paired with the opposite resolutions, and yet both are important to my happiness. This tension was beautifully illustrated in a novel I love, Vikram Chandra’s mesmerizing [Sacred Games](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0061130362?ie=UTF8&tag=thehappproj-20&linkCode=as2&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0061130362)![](http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=thehappproj-20&l=as2&o=1&a=0061130362). “Sartaj was thinking about h**ow uncanny an animal this life was, that you had to seize it and let go of it at the same time, that you had to enjoy but also plan, live every minute and die every moment**.” Of everything I’ve ever written, I think this short paradox–**The days are long, but the years are short**–resonates most with people. (Watch the one-minute video [here](http://youtube.com/watch?v=KktuoQwb3vQ).) **I want to Be Gretchen and accept myself, but I also want to perfect my nature (as this entire project demonstrates). I want to think about myself so I can forget myself. I want to work on my own happiness so I can make other people happier.** **I want to lighten up and not take myself so seriously — but I also want to take myself *more* seriously.** **I want to spend my time efficiently and not waste it, but I also want to wander, to play, to fail, to read at whim.** **I want to be free from envy and fear of the future, and live fully in the present moment — but not lose my ambition.** **Control and mastery are key elements of happiness; so are novelty and challenge.** **Everything matters, and nothing matters**. As Samuel Butler wrote in his [Notebooks](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1435355741?ie=UTF8&tag=thehappproj-20&linkCode=as2&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=1435355741)![](http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=thehappproj-20&l=as2&o=1&a=1435355741), “Everything matters more than we think it does, and, at the same time, nothing matters so much as we think it does. The merest spark may set all Europe in a blaze, but though all Europe be set in a blaze twenty times over, the world will wag itself right again.” **Happiness doesn’t always make me *feel* happier.** **Somewhere, keep an empty shelf; somewhere, keep a junk drawer.** ****Flawed can be more perfect than perfection.**** In Japanese, there is a beautiful term, [wabi-sabi](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wabi-sabi), which describes the special beauty of the imperfect, the incomplete, and the transient. Superficially similar, but actually different in meaning (as I understand it), is the phrase from software development, [Worse is better](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Worse_is_better). **Go slow to go fast.** **Do it now. Wait.** A few years ago, my one-word theme for the year was **Bigger**. My sister chose **Smaller**. Have you found any paradoxes that have been important to your happiness? Contrary resolutions that you try to follow in both directions? **From 2006 through 2014, as she wrote* The Happiness Project *and* Happier at Home*, Gretchen chronicled her thoughts, observations, and discoveries on* The Happiness Project Blog.* #### YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE ![Festive, colorful kites shaped like diamonds and birds flying against a blue sky with a whisp of white cloud.](https://staging.gretchenrubin.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/01/ucyx_xn8y1i-768x576.jpg) [How to be happier in 2025, and the Question Everyone Forgets to Ask](https://staging.gretchenrubin.com/articles/how-to-be-happier/) ![white concrete building under blue sky during daytime](https://staging.gretchenrubin.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/86yymewx5jc-768x509.jpg) [My Visits to the Met Reminded Me of This Profound Truth](https://staging.gretchenrubin.com/articles/my-visits-to-the-met-reminded-me-of-this-profound-truth/) ![assorted-colored cactus](https://staging.gretchenrubin.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/01/gqd3av_9a88-768x512.jpg) [50 Tips to Get Out of Your Head Using Your Five Senses—Right Now](https://staging.gretchenrubin.com/articles/tips-for-how-to-get-out-of-your-head/) #### DISCOVER MORE # Like what you see? Explore more about this topic. - [Happiness](https://staging.gretchenrubin.com/secondary_tag/happiness/), [Mindfulness](https://staging.gretchenrubin.com/secondary_tag/mindfulness/) # Interested in happiness, habits, and human nature? From renowned happiness expert and *New York Times* bestselling author Gretchen Rubin, the “Five Things Making Me Happy” newsletter is one of today’s most popular newsletters. You’ll get a weekly round-up of what’s making Gretchen happy, as well as practical tips, research, and resources about how we can make our lives happier, healthier, more productive, and more creative. Email Submit Manage Cookie Consent To provide the best experiences, we use technologies like cookies to store and/or access device information. Consenting to these technologies will allow us to process data such as browsing behavior or unique IDs on this site. Not consenting or withdrawing consent, may adversely affect certain features and functions. 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